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The war on gardens

I don’t know much about gardening, but I do know what I like! Here I describe some current Australian suburban garden fads and fashions that I loathe and which I’d like to declare a “fatwa” upon! This style of “designer” garden (designed by professional landscapers) is often used with the massive ugly houses now built that resemble factory buildings. I have been walking around the streets of my suburb for years, and seeing these awful trends replace the more traditional gardens is a dismaying sight – it’s as though a war has been declared on the latter.

Ugly houses and gardens in my neighborhood

Google Street Views of two ugly new houses in my neighborhood, showing their barren so-called gardens. The first house is almost entirely paved (blazingly hot in summer); the second has four of the offenses listed further down this page: white pebble ground cover, ornamental grasses, artificial lawn and Yucca plants.

Garden trends that should just die

The following non-native plants have been appearing like unwanted weeds in many trendy designer gardens (in some cases, these have replaced more traditional gardens). They are ugly and useless, providing neither shade nor shelter, and I would like to see them banned! These plants are also bird-unfriendly – there are no branches for them to perch in.

  • Cocos Palm (and palm trees in general). There seems to be a wierd obsession with palm trees – in case residents haven’t noticed, Melbourne is not in the tropical latitudes (for which I am thankful!).
  • Yuccas: American desert plants. Please send all of these back to the Americas!
  • Ornamental grasses. Tufted clumps of these resemble mange.
  • Roses, and nothing but. While the rose flowers are pretty when in bloom, the rest of the plant – scraggly branches and thorns – is not attractive! (Thornless roses are preferable.)

Next, a list of miscellaneous stupid garden fads that I hate, for which various “lifestyle” TV programs are to blame.

  • Pebble ground cover. The white pebbles are particularly irritating as they are glary in bright sunlight. Like paving, they radiate heat, rather than absorb it as plants and grass would. Use mulch instead!
  • Artificial grass. You might as well lay plastic on the ground; this stuff is bad for the environment! (In fact it is a form of plastic, made from petrochemicals.) It looks ugly and fake, and it smothers the soil underneath and the life within it. There is nothing for birds to hop around and eat. Being plastic, it will also radiate heat, not absorb it as a real lawn would. (See “Turf Wars – Real Turf, Fake Turf and the Environment”.)
  • Backyard decking. This so-called “outdoor living space” covers nearly the whole backyard with wooden decking, leaving no lawn and barely any room for plants.
  • Vast expanses of paving.
House with pebble "garden"

House with a barren white pebble “garden” and concrete paving – reflects heat on a hot day

These ill-considered garden features (sometimes advertised as “low-maintenance” and “drought-tolerant”) will heat up the microclimate around a house, which is the worst thing you can do in a country like Australia with its scorching hot 40°C+ summers. Cities tend to be hotter than the surrounding countryside because of all the concrete and paving that reflects heat. Vegetation, conversely, absorbs heat and creates a cooling effect that artificial shading doesn’t.

Such gardens do nothing to attract birds and other creatures; they instead emulate barren deserts and are dreary and unpleasant to look upon.

Good gardens

An environmentally-friendly garden should have a mixture of native and exotic trees and shrubs – preferably flowering and deciduous varieties – which will provide refuges and food for birds and other wildlife. Paving should be minimized. Some lawn expanse is desirable for open space and absorbs carbon dioxide (helping combat global warming). If there is room, deciduous trees can be planted northwards of the house to create cooling shade in summer when the sun is at its highest (in the Southern Hemisphere) and let sunlight through in winter.

Such gardens do require some work, but gardening is good for you (fresh air and exercise!) and once the plants are established, many do not need much maintenance. Watering is also necessary – somewhat difficult with water restrictions – but tank and “grey” water can be used. Such gardens help the environment and attract birds. A birdbath will also be appreciated by them.

Another advantage of having a garden is that you can grow your own produce (fruit and vegetables), which tastes so much better than the nutritionless imitations sold in supermarkets. With food prices going up, growing some of your own food will become a necessity for many – and those who have barren “designer” gardens will sorely regret these.

Nice garden

House with a pleasant garden full of shady bushes and trees. Unfortunately, since the photo was taken in 2008, the house was redeveloped and much of the garden altered and reduced.

Related page: Crimes against architecture


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